have you ever been the victim of someone's good intentions?

this was a sermon title from one of my classmates during preaching class last semester... it resonated with me and i haven't forgotten it... maybe because i have been...

last night was one of them... i came up to my office to check email and get online after my "spiritual birthday" party... and i signed on to aim, and a friend signed on... it's a friend i haven't known very long (only a few months) and he's a single guy, almost 30... i thought about not saying hi, but i went ahead and did... we talked for a minute - about various topics... and then he asked me an odd question... which was something about whether or not it be okay to ask me an odd question... the second odd question started out as a statement about me being cool, nice girl... something along those lines. then he said something about whether or not i find value in myself... which is something i've struggled with, and is tons better - but as with everything like that, is a process... i'm not done growing yet... so i told him that... and then he asks me what i would do if i was single forever... and i said something about God giving me the grace to get through it and be okay with it and be happy in it... i was accused of using the "good church answer" but it not being true in my life... (i wish i had the conversation right here in front of me, but i don't and it was late last night...)

i was irate... i'm sure he meant well and was only asking or giving advice because he thought it would help...

it did the opposite... i wanted to throw something... i was mad, hurt, frustrated... just plain upset... i felt like he was saying that my singleness was a direct result of a poor spiritual condition... and the thing about it is... we're not even that good of friends... i have only known him for a few months... and we've only really been friends since february... if it had come from a really good friend who i have known a while, that's a different story... but the manner in which it came and from whom it came... well, it felt less than helpful...

so as i drove home, the thoughts that were going through my head were like, "you're a cool girl, but you're not okay - but you should think you are... but don't ever expect to get married - especially when you're not content in your singleness... because if you were... then you'd be married..." - those are kind of stupid thoughts that the christian culture pounds into girls' minds...

you're beautiful, smart, funny... you deserve the best... but only if you're completely happy being single... and once you are completely happy being single, that's when God gives you the man of your dreams... not until then... He promised that... once you're content in the Lord, He'll give you a spouse... doesn't it say that in the Bible??

and i'm sure all those people have the best intentions, but a lot of times when it comes to singleness advice, i feel like all i have gotten is lies... no... i know plenty of women who are content in the Lord and still single... and i know lots of not content ladies who God has blessed with husbands... there is no formula to conjure up a spouse biblically...

another thing (this post is old, but i had it saved as a draft... but it may get posted today...) is there are happy single women... and there are unhappy single women - at the same time... there are happily married women and unhappy married women... i don't begin to believe that marriage = happiness... yes... there are days when i'm okay being single, happy even (gasp)... and if God chooses for me to be married, there will be days when i'm unhappy, i'm sure, as a married woman... so i get frustrated when people try to push that belief on me - or think that i believe it... i'm not that dumb...

okay, just because i took the time to record these thoughts... they're going out there...